Mourning Has Broken

March 2, 2024 — Emily Matuza

“I PRESS ON toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” — Philippians 3:14

I recently took down some bulletin boards I had in my kitchen, one for each child. There was a photo stuck to the wall behind Joey’s board. What a gift memories are now.

Grief and trauma are heavy and bring with them such an active mourning time. One of the many friends I have been blessed with through this experience describes those initial times as “the mourning.”  Eventually that mourning is not so raw as the news becomes reality. The grief and even the broken heart will always be there, but the mourning is now more manageable. That would be my best description for me personally. Wrestling with those emotional bursts and trauma triggers also becomes more manageable as you start to learn what the triggers are and how to respond to them.

I’ve been very blessed to be connected to many other grieving parents through Our Hearts Are Home, and it has helped me navigate a journey no one can prepare themselves for. The gift of perspective from others who are living a similar story truly helps heal in so many ways.

I enjoyed watching Joey wrestle, but it was hard seeing the struggle and how much strength was required to finish a match. Some of you even now may be starting to wrestle with a question I have made peace with . . . how can someone who could handle wrestling leave the way he did?

These questions, the what if’s, how come, and why’s are honestly, an opponent you will wrestle with forever. I have learned they do nothing but create self doubt, guilt, regret and deep sadness so I wrestle against these thoughts and do all I can not to dwell in that place.  Pin them down!

Everyone wrestles with something in life. It’s just the nature of humanity, but it’s how you respond to it that can make or break you. “Pressing on” isn’t easy but have faith, you will get through it. Asking for help is sometimes necessary. There are wonderful counselors, therapists, and pastors out there who will actively listen to what you are wrestling with and help you. And more than anything, as you wrestle with the difficulties of earthly life, remember who created you, knows you best, and loves you most. He will never leave you, and will walk with you through the struggle. Press on!

Philippians 3:14 — “I PRESS ON toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”